EP:03 "NO" IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE
(This video is recorded from a Facebook LIVE session)
Women say YES to everything. Yes you will take on that project, yes you will babysit, yes you will volunteer for this thing, yes you will meet someone for lunch, yes you will go to that event, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes....
And I bet you can guess where this leaves you. Resentful, burnt out, and certainly no time for the things that bring you the most joy or time for the people most important in your life.
There is a process we all have to take in order to feel more comfortable using our voice and drawing healthy boundaries. But it requires you to...
Speak Up Babe!
When I finally learned that NO is a complete sentence I was relieved. Relieved and scared shitless that I would come across as a total bitch!
But Brené Brown says it perfectly,
COMPASSION MEANS YOU SAY "YES" WHEN YOU REALLY MEAN IT, AND YOU SAY "NO" MOST OF THE TIME. YOU CAN'T BE GENEROUS AND LOVING WHEN YOU FEEL RUN OVER AND TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.
Each time we say YES to something, we are saying NO to something else. So it's a trade off. And often, the trade off's are big. So when we compulsively say YES, we invariably say NO without really thinking about what we are saying NO to.
So start practicing your NO.
The best way to start is giving yourself the buffer time. Before giving a firm answer, tell everyone who asks you to commit to something (big or small) that you need at least 24hrs to think about it. That way you can put some distance there before committing, and you can really pause to think about the impact and tradeoffs saying YES may have. And I always say, if it's not a HELL YES, say no thank you. Life is short.
It takes courage. It takes bravery. But that is where true freedom and joy lie.