EP:53 - 5 WAYS TO BE A BOSOM FRIEND
(This video is recorded from a YouTube LIVE session)
Despite being so connected on social media, we are lonelier than ever.
Because it’s not real connection. They are fake friendships. I’m not going to call you when I’m having a panic attack, you aren’t going to ask me to bring a meal for you when you have your baby. It can’t substitute.
And I know that we are all desperate for deep relationships. So let’s take a little inventory
You are the average of the 5 closest people to you - Take a moment and think of those people.
Who are they?
How close are you to them?
What do they do with their lives personally and professionally?
Are they ambitious, successful, happy, optimistic, and enthusiastic?
What are their core beliefs about work, money, life, family, health, spirituality, and their body?
Most of us also surround ourselves with toxic people. Now I’m not talking about people who are malicious, rude, mean or hateful (although perhaps). I am defining toxic as people who are unmotivated, uninspired, zap your energy or discourage you, encourage you to stay stagnant, hold limiting, fear-based beliefs, or simply don’t ever push themselves to become their best self.
If you are on a path of growth, change and ultimate healing of your body, mind or soul – you HAVE to look at your friendships.
This is one of the hardest things you will ever be faced with doing. I know that none of us like to rock the boat, and no one wants to appear better than someone else. But this is a MUST!
If you don’t rid yourself of unhealthy friendship, you cannot live as your best self. You will be stunted in your growth, and ultimately participate in self sabotage.
There are so many ways to find new friends that I’ll talk about in this video.
Change is necessary for growth. Don’t shy away from this. You are not a mean, selfish person if you need to lose or ‘dump’ some friends.
You deserve to be with people and in environments that support your BEST self!
Uplevel your friendships - people who are playing higher than you.
You’ve called everyone into you life for some reason… they are all teachers for you.
Have you ever heard of a bosom friend?
If you had the privilege to grow up watching or reading Anne of Green Gables, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Hello Anne and Diana Berry.
"A bosom friend—an intimate friend, you know—a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my innermost soul. I've dreamed of meeting her all my life." -Anne of Green Gables
A bosom friend is a rare kindred spirit that you confide your soul with. It’s your person. It’s the person you seek out when things are going splendidly, and the only one you call during your darkest days. It’s the person you have felt like you’ve known your whole life, or perhaps it is the person you have the longest history with.
It’s a friendship that isn’t forced. It’s a deep soul connection that just is. It’s an energetic bond that you have with only a few individuals in your life, and they are so precious.
And that’s why it’s even more important to understand how to be one to those special people.
5 WAYS TO BE A BOSOM FRIEND
Reliability - if you say you are going to be there or be somewhere you are going to do it. I know that I can count on you. When you say you are going to show up, I know you will show you.
The Vault - Holding everything we talk about is held in confidence. This is really rare. You know no matter what you tell them they will not go tell someone else. No exceptions.
Listen with Empathy -There is a big difference between sympathy and Empathy. As Brene Brown explains this really well. (“I feel so sorry for you”) rather than empathy (“I get it, I feel with you, and I’ve been there”). If you want to see a shame cyclone turn deadly, throw one of these at it: “Oh, you poor thing.” Or, the incredibly passive-aggressive Southern version of sympathy, ‘Bless your heart.’ Empathy is about being able to truly listen and hold the space for the people without trying to fix, without silent judgement, without an agenda. Truly being present for whatever comes up without offering any shame to the situation. You allow your friends to be exactly where they are - and if they are crying heaping mess it looks like handing them a glass of wine and a box of tissues while leaving your phone in the other room.
Believing the Best - Being able to look at your friend and knowing when they are making bad decisions or things that are the best in them, but believing in their capacity, believing in their best. Always holding that vision for them. Hold the space for them to show up in a new way and change instead of locking them in a certain spot. Knowing they are doing the best they can. Remind them of their soul, of their heart and remind them of who they are and call them out.
Challenge Them - I don’t let my friend talk ill of themselves or protect negativity over their lives. The minute I hear them in a cycle of limiting beliefs that affirms they are the victim or their life is horrible or they are fat and will always be alone. I lovingly hit the pause button. Always ask for permission “Can I challenge you in this right now?” important to not be attached to the result. If you see something better for them, more beneficial for them, where they could shift this or do something different, not being attached to what they end up deciding is key. Offering them a different way of looking at something but not attached to how they respond or what they decide. But you believe they will make the best decision for themselves.
A bosom friend is such a gem, and I am grateful to have a few in my life.
I remind them often of what a God-send they are.
Hold on to those people in your life.
Create that beautiful space for them to be their most authentic selves and shower them with love and acceptance at every turn.