WHEN STAYING PRESENT SUCKS
(This video is recorded from a Facebook LIVE session)
VIDEO TAKE AWAYS:
We so very often check out of the present moment. We have learned from a very early age that when the pain is too much, we check out. We numb. We run. We disassociate.
DISASSOCIATE: Any habitual rejection of what is going on. Any moment when we say this is not OK and choose to resist a pain in the body, an emotion that comes up, fear or loneliness or shame or anger. Anytime we pull away from it rather than open up to it.
“WE EMOTIONALLY “ARMOR UP” EACH MORNING WHEN WE FACE THE DAY TO AVOID FEELING SHAME, ANXIETY, UNCERTAINTY, AND FEAR. THE PARTICULAR ARMOR CHANGES FROM PERSON TO PERSON, BUT IT USUALLY REVOLVES AROUND ONE OF THREE METHODS: STRIVING FOR PERFECTION, NUMBING OUT, OR DISRUPTING JOYFUL MOMENTS BY “DRESS REHEARSING TRAGEDY” AND IMAGINING ALL THE WAYS THAT THINGS COULD GO WRONG.” – BRENE BROWN
All of the ways we “armor up” make us feel like we have some control, but in reality it takes us away from the opportunity to feel and heal what is coming up for us in the present.
Question of the day: What am I unwilling to feel?
THE COST: Dissociation cuts us off from our full aliveness.
We can’t selectively numb. When we numb out all the pain and fear, we also numb out the joy and happiness.
Our goal in staying in the present even when the shit gets real is to keep the conversation open with our emotions when resentment has built up, resisting the urge to run. Resisting the urge to shut down. That is bravery!
Leaning into the discomfort and to be present to what’s going on, but not be defined by it. It doesn’t have to consume us. The fear is that if we feel our emotions we will be consumed by that emotion. That we’ll never get out of the feeling of feeling depressed or anxious or sad or angry. But something happens when we sit with it – the energy eventually dissipates.
‘THE CURE FOR PAIN IS IN THE PAIN.’ – RUMI
What have you been avoiding because of discomfort? What feelings have you been rejecting? What problems do you have that stem from discomfort?
DEEPER QUESTION: What is asking for your deepest attention right now? What needs comforted, what needs soothed? In this present moment.
5 WAYS TO STAY PRESENT:
- Give yourself permission to remain OPEN – We are allowed to feel whatever we need to feel. Pain is part of life, and we can’t avoid it by resisting it. We can only minimize it by accepting it and dealing with it well. Being careful to offer yourself compassion and not judge yourself for having these emotions. Staying open to be in the NOW with whatever is coming up, knowing it won’t consume or kill you.
- Feel your body – The only thing that can anchor us in this present moment is our body. Is there tightening/pain/squeezing/tension/nausea? How does it feel? Pay attention to your feet on the ground and recognize you are here in this room at this time in space. “How am I experiencing this in my body right now?”
- Connect to your breath – Long deep breathing helps you stay present. It slows everything down. It calms you. Just a minute or two of conscious breathing can make you feel like you can handle what is coming up.
- Get curious – What is needing your highest attention right now? Get curious about your emotions, ask questions, dig in. What is the FEAR? Pay attention to whatever thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations are coming up for you.
- Name the emotion and offer compassion See if you can name the emotion. Just naming it will dissipate the intensity. And meet that emotion with a sense of tenderness or friendliness toward what you name. Validating your emotions means accepting them. Remembering to offer yourself deep compassion as you process the suckiness of what’s going on. Giving yourself full permission to feel it without judgement. No emotion is good or bad, it just is. And it’s ok.
This will assist you in staying present when it sucks and when those emotions feel too overwhelming. This combination helps you create new perspectives, shining light on the truth. It gives you permission to feel and offers you courage to accept where you are with deep empathy. It assists in releasing limiting beliefs and stagnant feelings and offers you deep emotional renewal.
Use 2 drops Bergamot, 3 drops Basil, 1 drop Frankincense. Blend together and rub on the bottoms of both feet and cover with socks. Alternatively use as a diffuser blend. (Note: Bergamot is photosensitive, so if applied topically avoid sun exposure for 24hrs)
“The present moment is a gift and is here FOR me. I choose to feel whatever is asking for attention and know that it is safe.”
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